It has been nearly 3 weeks without roller derby, and I’m starting to feel the itch that is eating away at my insides. No wheels have graced my feet in weeks, my body is turning too mush and my right foot dons a sexy - but open toed in the middle of winter - surgical shoe. The least they could have done is made the thing in a fashionable color with closed toes and a matching one for the right foot…not sooooo much to ask. At least I still have the Derbylegs socks peaking out nicely from the Velcro shoe.
Returning to the drudgery of “the job” today offered a glimmer of hope that I will skate again. As much as I enjoyed spending my days doing Pilates to soothing music, instructing my boyfriend in the fine art of baking pie for Thanksgiving and napping with my cats the return to work symbolizes that I am in fact recovering from the procedure on the “Tired Diver Toe.” With each hobble step I take I feel slightly less pain and tingling and a little stronger.
Thursday is the day the doc will snip the strings out of the wound that have been binding it together for the past 3 and a half weeks. What this means to me is first and foremost-a real shower without a plastic bag taped to my leg with a lot of athletic tape. I might stand in the shower rather than using the hose type shower thing while sitting like a crotchety (funny word eh?) old lady in the bottom of my tub. I may exit the shower without using the safety bar that was undoubtedly installed by the elderly man who owned my home before me-handy that I bought the house with the safety bar. It made me chuckle when I first saw it, now I see it is no laughing matter as that thing saved me from a tragic fall that would have led to certain death numerous times. How embarrassing would it be to be found dead in the bottom of your tub naked except for the plastic grocery bag taped to your leg…ahem somewhat hairy leg I might ad since shaving has become problematic under the circumstances. At any rate that is not how I intended to die so thanks to the safety bar and my keen ability to balance on one leg, (thank goodness for roller derby balancing drills) I am two days from surviving the one legged showering act.
Other challenges of the “Tired Diver Toe” surgery presented themselves daily. There is the day I insisted I could walk to the back of the store only to find myself back there and unable to walk up to the front. That dilemma was solved with a piggy-back ride to the front of the store…ever tried to hop up onto someone’s back when you can’t hop? It turns out it is more of a flop and a struggle to get into position for a piggy-back ride when you can’t hop. Or how bout the day I wanted to get to the store, but walking seemed such a challenge that I climbed atop of the little car that is on the front of the cart for children and was pushed to the electric buggy thing that I proceeded to drive quite dangerously throughout the grocery store. They need to issue driver’s licenses and conduct training before allowing people like me to use them. The first week or so I attempted the crutches, but my sore underarms and hands were rebellious to the idea so I thought hopping on one foot could serve a dual purpose-strengthen my left leg while getting me to my destination. I was wrong. I ended up with a twisted ankle and crawling back to the couch where I was often told I belonged during recovery.
All told I’m glad I had the surgery, but even more glad that my situation is temporary. I know I would learn to adapt and thrive it weren’t, but I thank my lucky stars I don’t have to this time.
I plan to stuff my foot into a skate this weekend and see if I can manage a few laps without too much pain…but what the heck that is what pain killers are for right?
Til Next Time.
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